Life Kicked My Ass

The past year was really hard on me.  I felt like I was always fighting something, dealing with a problem or overcoming yet another injury.  Basically I was a wreck mentally, physically and emotionally.  When I lost my brother Joey it put me over the edge. Suddenly I felt like I was all alone. I was all alone.

I felt very empty inside with no one to talk to that knows everything.  Someone that went through all the hell we did while growing up.  Someone who knew all the work and effort I put into trying to be a success. Trying to make a main event.  Trying to get in that breakaway and sprinting for that win.   When I used to get down I would call Joey and we talked about the good ole' days.  One of those days was back in 1987 when I was a top Expert who just got his Pro-Am card.  I can still see Joey working on my bike helping me.  Those days are just a memory now.

My life changed forever when my brother John got injured back in the early 90's.  You can not even begin to imagine the pain in my heart having to watch him try so hard to gain strength and to live life as a Quad.  He lost that battle in 2008.  I of course felt loss but part of me was thankful that his misery was over.

Then in October I lost another brother and suddenly I was mourning the loss of another brother but this one was much worse.  Maybe it was because I did not really take the time to mourn John's death.  

Life this past year really kicked my ass not only with death but yet more injuries including what I believe my be CTE (chronic traumatic encephalopathy)  I can not even begin to count the number of head injuries that I have had over the years.   Most did come from years ago when I raced motocross, but I also have had plenty of head injuries on my bicycle.  Do I have CTE? I do know that I have a lot of the symptoms.  I hate doctors but it looks like I have to look more into this.  This could explain a lot of things like my dizziness and the headaches I get.

My latest injury was something I have been dealing with for over a year.  After my knee surgery in April it steadily got worse.  I tried to just ride through it like I have always done but I finally went to see a specialist.  After a MRI with contrast dye, the problem was found - a Labral Tear and some bone spurs.  After a lot of research and talking with my doctor I elected to try PT and limiting my activity - basically no hard impact activities like running and no cyclocross last year either.  

The past 2 months I have gone through extensive rehab to see if I can avoid surgery and so far so good.   It appears that if I live a moderately active life and avoid strenuous activity I might be able to live a pain free life.  That means no more racing, no more standing on the top the podium.

This is a very hard time for me.  The most depressed time of my life.  If it were not for my wife Carolynn I do not know what would come of me.   All I can do now is take one day at a time and work through my head and health problems.  I am very hopeful that I will be strong enough to live a normal happy life.

Life in The Small Chainring

It has been awhile since I last posted anything so here is a little update.   

A little over 4 months ago I had knee surgery to fix up my right knee in hopes that I could resume my normal riding/racing lifestyle. After all the physical therapy the knee is better (minus the numbness which may never go away) - no more pain at least when I do normal activities.  Strength is o.k. but no where near the level I was a couple of years ago. My biggest problem now is my right hip.  I am actually afraid to go see the doctor about it because I am really not that pleased with how my by body responded to knee surgery. I would hate to go through any type of procedure on my hip so I have been taking it really easy and hoping that with time I can at least resume a somewhat active lifestyle. The one other problem is my ability to deal with heat.  Every time I push myself when it is hot I get really sick. 

I have been riding a lot with Carolynn on our tandem this summer.  When the trails were dry which was not often we hit them. When they were wet we hit the road.  The temps were down late spring/early summer so we actually got in some nice rides after work and I have not been effected by the heat.    I have actually enjoyed the slower paced rides.

Most of the summer has actually been very fun with no pressure.  Carolynn and I had a great time down in Eureka Springs in July.   We hit several trail systems including her favorite - Blowing Springs.

It was time to head to the lake once the normal summer temps arrived.  A great time was had out on Beaver Lake.  Carolynn's new SUP while a little unstable compared to some models is very fast.

 We never seemed to make any time to visit the tourist attractions when we travel.  Well times are a changing.  A visit to Pivot Rock was in made this past summer.   Hopefully these tourist attractions get a little better.  I was not impressed with this natural formation.

We did not play all the time.  Some work was actually done this summer.  Our hot water heater died on us so my friend Ashley came over and taught Christopher how to replace one. 

Ironically one of the things that may have caused me the greatest damage to my body is the one thing I can still compete at.  After surgery I got back on the motorcycle a little soon.  It has taken me a couple of months but I have finally built up enough strength to race a Hare Scrambles and finish strong.  After winning the first round in March I got my second win of the season this past weekend up in Thurman, IA.  Still got sick after the race but at least I had a win to show for it. But is it worth it?  What long term damage is happening?

Another summer in the books and I am still trying to adjust to this new way of life.   A life which has me stuck in the small chain ring. Part of me feels like quitting everything and just living a sedentary life.  The other part does not want to give up just yet. 

Long Road Back

It has been 10 days since my surgery on my knee.  I wish I could say my recovery has gone well but in my eyes it does not look promising.  Hopefully I am wrong and things will start to turn around soon.

Pre-surgery I had a normal pair of cycling legs.I do not think my legs will ever look like this again

I had a funny feeling going into the operating room. Something inside of me was saying that it is time to quit. Time to settle down and just be a normal sedentary person.  Quality of Life is apparently becoming very important to me.

During pre-op the nurses asked me at least 5 times what leg I was getting worked on.  I was not really worried about getting the wrong leg worked on despite some of the stories Carolynn told me.  Plus I most likely will have to get my left leg worked on also.   The doctor said the procedure should be done all arthroscopically but there was a chance that he would have to make an incision below my patella to remove the cyst.  I kept having the above picture in my head of a large incision.

Luckly everything went well and all done arthroscopically.  Although it does not look like it I was actually in good spirits after the surgery.  The doctor was able to remove my cyst and he also repaired some of the  meniscus and patella damage I had. The osteoarthritis I have can not be cured but is quite common for someone my age.

I was instructed to "act like a normal person",use RICE and to begin therapy the following day.  With pain medication PT went well.  I had to stop taking my feel good pills because they caused some major constipation.  That is no fun at all. 

Why is it so hard to just sit still.  I spent 3 days like this.  I started to walk around the house without crutches I had Max for company and to fend off Carolynn's cat Betsy.   Those two fought everyday.  Now I know what goes on when everyone is at work.

After 4 days my damn knee looks like shit. Very swollen - 2 inches larger in circumference than my other knee.  I do not know if that is normal or not. 

Follow visit to KCOI went well.  Despite my knee looking like crap to me the doctor said it looked good and that I appeared to be walking good. The nurses really liked my sexy stockings.

The doctor said I should wait another week and just walk and do PT.  I started to include using my mini cycle trainer.  Carolynn bought this thing for years ago to use at work - it fits under your desk and you can spin away while you work.   First time using it was weird.  Legs just did not want to turn circle even with little to no resistance.   Second time was better. 

Weather was really nice on Wednesday so I decide to try and ride really easy outside on my bike.  Plan was just to ride around my neighborhood.    First back did not go well.  Knee felt really unstable.  Range of motion was also limited.  One of the roads I was on has a very small hill that I do not even think about normally.  I tried to ride up it but could not.  Knee just would not take the pressure.  I turned around and returned home after only riding 4 miles.   Looks like it will take a lot longer to recover than I thought.  Am I just getting old or is this normal?  Either way I have a long road to travel to recover.  I am trying to find the motivation to get fit again. 

The Story of My Life

Just when you think you are on the way up and things are looking good, life has a tendency to kick you in nuts. This has happened to my countless times in my life, especially with injuries. 

Setbacks and failures are a part of life. But like the saying goes "it is not what happens to you, its what you do about it".   Well for over 30 years I have been picking myself off the ground (Note: sometimes I got assistance/medical help due to being unconscious), dusting myself off and got back on my bike and/or motorcycle.  Well after yesterday's visit to a wrist/hand specialist I am seriously considering finally walking away from competitive racing while I still can.

If you recall about 1 month ago I took a nasty fall while out riding with my son.  We were up at Smithville lake riding the MTB trails.  A bunny hop over a log went bad and I ended up going over the bars very hard.  For the past 4 weeks I have been having wrist pain.  The diagnosis after a quick trip to my family doctor was just a sprain.  I have had plenty of sprains in my life and this one was not getting any better.  Yesterday confirmed what I thought - torn ligaments.

I sat for hours thinking about all the training I have done as of late.  All the hours in the gym doing physical therapy not to mention the time spend riding and running. Currently I have to do about 5 hours of physical therapy a week just to keep my body and all my nagging injuries in check.  I thought about all those cold ass rides I went on to get ready for the 2013 season.  All of it now seems like a big waste of time and sacrifice.

Getting injured has been the story of my life.  I still remember back in 1988.  I had just finished up a very successful season - winning the 1987 Florida State Motocross Championship in the 125 A division.  I decided to give it 100%  and focus on trying to make it as a Professional.  Things were going great.  I had support from several key sponsors including Honda West.  I had a mechanic (Storman Norman Racing) to build and maintain my bikes.  I had great support from my brothers and friends like Tom Pantley.  Leading up to the Tampa Bay and Daytona rounds of the AMA Supercross series I felt like I could get a top 10 in the Lites division for sure.   Then while practicing at an area track I attacked the whoops full gas in 4th gear and about 1/2 through my wrist just snapped. That ended that season and the following.  It took me just about a full year for the bones in my wrist to fully heal.

One question I have been asking myself is why do I still want to race?  Do I really need to compete?  I have hundreds of medals and trophies.  I won several state championships and series titles.  Do I really need another? Early on these "little tokens" of a job done well came easy.  The last several years they have been much harder to come by.   When I do earn a spot on the podium I sure do appreciate it more than ever. I guess the real question is at what price will these victories come at?  Will I be able to lead a normal life when I get (if I get) into my 60's and 70's? 

Time to Hang up the Wheels?

This past weekend was prime conditions for a cyclocross race and we had two events on the calendar - BS #4 on Saturday and the Missouri State Cyclocross Championships held on Sunday. Both events were held at the Ray Town BMX . They did not use the BMX course, but instead used the fields next to the facility and did one loop around the outside of the course. Lots of rain on Saturday made the course just a little soupy. Sunday's race was a little more muddy with the course drying (I use this word loosely) up some causing clearance problems for some as the mud stuck to frames..

Plenty of great albums out there: Phil Peter's Saturday, Phil Peter's Sunday, John Peck's Saturday, John Peck's Sunday, Patrick Kirkes, Saturday, Jason Watkins Sunday.

Typically I would really enjoy this type of race, but as luck would have it I was not able to attend on Saturday and felt like crap on Sunday. Friday night I was eating my pre-race meal which included some homemade soup that Carolynn made. Everything was great and we went to bed as usual. About 1:30 am I awake because I was having trouble swallowing and breathing. Apparently I was having an allergic reaction to something I had eaten. My tongue, face, mouth and throat were all swollen. I felt like I had a large cow tongue and had to keep my mouth open and stick my tongue out so I could breath. Carolynn got up and helped me and we drove to the ER to get treatment for my Swollen Tongue. On the way we decided to stopped by a Wal-Mart and got an antihistamines to see if that would help. After a short period it appeared it would. We ended up heading back home and taking 2 more and resting. I was finally able to get back to sleep by about 0600. It was not until about 1:00 pm on Saturday that I was finally able to eat something. Needless to say no racing for me today. And in hindsight I should not of ridden on Sunday either.

Sunday came and I decided to go ahead and see what the day would bring me. I usually ride mud really well. But that was not the case as I had nothing in the legs to do anything. It is my off-season and really should not expect to have any, but Sunday was really bad. Still unsure way. Anyways, I rode around in the mud for 50 minutes, got lapped by most of the field, got my pit bike all muddy (I decided to use it because during warm-up I could tell my legs were dead and I did not want to damage my bike - we all know what a muddy race can do to a bike) and ended up getting DFL in the Masters 45 + class. That is pretty bad for me, especially in a muddy race.

On the way home I really contemplated quitting cycling. I am tired of embarrassing myself at races. If I can not even compete at a local level I do believe it is time to hang up my wheels. But I do realize that this year has been riddled with injuries and I really should not have been out racing anyways at this time of year, especially when I am not focusing cross as many other are.

It is time to take an extended break and ease back into things. If I do not have some good sensations this winter during training there will be about a dozen wheelsets for sale.....

Tri-ing to Get Back into Shape

First a little update. This has been a very trying year for me. It started with recovering from a nasty MTB crash were I injured my leg and my shoulder. Leg healed slowly, but shoulder never did so I finally went in to see a specialist which lead to my shoulder surgery for a torn rotator cuff

Just as I was healing from my shoulder surgery, I came down with some "gut" issues. Still waiting on the biopsy results from my recent colonoscopy. In the meantime the Doctor put me on meds for an infection.

I have written off this summer and possibly the year for any serious training. I have been training a couple hours a week - mostly rehab on my shoulder in addition to some swimming, biking and running. I decided to go ahead an participate in the 5th Annual Crossroads Triathlon this past Saturday as a training event. This event has grown to over 200 racers and has a nice small hometown feel to it. And besides, I always seem to run into old friends like Allyn Smith at these events.





My new main sport....I have been spending most of my training time in the pool. I enjoy swimming especially this time of year with triple digit temps. I think the meds I have been taking caused me to be even more sensitive to the heat. Anyway, all this time in the water has really improved my swim. Carolynn always makes fun of me saying I look like I am not really trying and that I have a very slow turn-over compared to the other swimmers. Well my "lethargic swimming style" earned me the 3rd fastest swim split of the day! The two others that beat me are members of the swim team, so I must be doing something right. Perhaps swimming is my new calling?


I can still spin the pedals in anger sometimes.... After a rather slow T1 (lack of focus on my part) it was time for the bike leg. Only an 8 mile course for today's event. Heat, rolling hills, rough roads , wind and 200 others to beat. I had not been on my Orbea TT bike since the Frisco Triathlon over a month ago. Position and legs felt good for the trip out to the turn around. I put in a very hard effort passing up to 3rd place (I started 18th) on the road which meant I made up about 3 min. I could see the two lead riders cresting the last hill of the day and decided I should back off some and save it for the run. My legs were feeling it and in hind site I should have just kept it pegged. As they say "once you got it up, keep it up". Once I backed down the heat and effort just over took me. I spun some of the lactic acid out of my legs and and cruised into T2 with the 2nd fastest bike split of the day. My good friend Allyn Smith took that top honor.



Medication and heat do not mix well.... A good T2 and off running. Well, jogging. Pace was very lethargic, especially from mile .5 to 2. No focus and I just kept asking myself why I was even out here if I could not put out a solid effort over the entire event. The heat hit me quickly and hard. It is funny how quickly an event can turn around. It got worse when a few runners passed me - the ones I usually beat in a triathlon. Luckily this was a sprint triathlon and the event was over and I was enjoying a nice ice cold water over my head. In the end I still finished 2nd in my age-group and 8th overall out of close to 200 racers.

Beware of Barefoot Running

Learning to Ride Again

Just a little update....

Physical Therapy at ARC has been going well. I am up to 2 lbs of resistance. Doesn't sound like much, but after a couple sets the muscles (what's left of them) can really feel it. The range of motions is coming back. Every visit I get a few more degrees and a hell of a lot of pain. The ratio of pain for effort is currently not justified. Hopefully this will change soon.

During this down time I have done some alternative sports with Christopher. Recently he talked me into a special form of physical therapy he developed using a hand clay target thrower. His plan was to have me get some strength back in my shoulder by throwing some clays. This did not work out too well as you can see.

I am back on the bike again attempting to get my fat ass back in shape. The road to recovery looks like it is a very hard one. It is like I am learning to ride all over again. My first ride on the bike was a short one down to Parkville, MO. I could not believe all the pot holes out on the road and the pain they caused. Normally I just bunny hop the these things but that is not an option currently. I decided that I would ride my MTB bike the next ride to smooth things out. I also felt out of my element with all the traffic. It has been awhile since I rode in traffic and darn if those cars did not feel like they were going to run me over. This normally never bothered me, but I guess I just need to get used to it or get the city to make more bike lanes....

The doctor said I could ride my bike, but I don't know if he meant off-road. I decided to test my shoulder on the new Anthem X and its plush suspension. Pre-rides of the Bone Bender 3/6 Hour MTB Odyssey have started out at Clinton. Jeff has designed a great course with a good combination of trails. My first ride back on the mountain bike was on this course. Things went o.k. except for the fact that my son kicked my ass. I guess it had to happen some time. Christopher and Jeff just walked away from me on every trail. I felt like I had never ridden off-road before. Even on what I normally consider easy trails I was hitting the brakes and getting off walking every time I saw a rocky downhill.

Long Road Back

I guess you can say I am on the road to recovery, but it sure as heck does not feel like it. Before I begin I want to thank my wonderful wife Carolynn for helping me get through this past month and being my "right arm".

Part I of the recovery was the first couple of weeks after surgery. Not much to do here but take pain killers and not move your injured arm and get some quality rest. Taking drugs was the easy part, trying not to move your arm and getting rest was not so easy.

Going from a very active person to a couch potato is one of the hardest things to do. Speaking of hard things to do, I have found it very hard to do some basic things with one hand. Part of the problem is I am right handed and it was my right shoulder which was injured, the other part is keeping the injured limb from moving.

Top 10 things that are hard to do with one hand:

1. Go to the bathroom
2. Clipping your fingernails
3. Cutting food (especially steak)
4. Tying your shoes
5. Folding clothes
   
6. Taking a shower
7. Getting dressed (just try it)
   
8. Flossing your teeth (finally found these)
   
9. A tune-up on a bike
10. Driving a manual transmission
    

Part II of the recovery is going to physical therapy. As of now just doing pendulum and passive range of motion exercises. So far 3 times a week at the clinic and then 3 to 4 times a day at home. The first couple times were rough, but now my range of motion has greatly improved.

Part III of the recovery will be paying for all of this. Just got the bill today from the doctor and hospital. A total of $27,573.66 so far. Looks like I will be in the poor house for awhile....

The final part of the recovery will be hitting the road/trails again. I am a lot closer to this goal thanks to Dennis Grelk and Brain @ GamJams Midwest. Dennis hooked me up with a trike so I can start start riding and Brian sent me some sweet wool socks to keep my feet warm during what looks like a wet spring. Thanks again guys.

Surgery update

Just a little update on my surgery. 6 weeks. This is the new updated minimum amount of time that I will be out of commission and wearing my new fancy Ultrasling III.

Friday I visited Dr. Rhoades for my 7 day followup. He checked me out and went over the surgery that they performed on me last Friday. Now I know why my shoulder is currently killing me. Turns out my shoulder was much worse than the MRI revealed and I ended up having a torn rotator cuff on top of the the other injuries. Dr. Rhoades had to reattach it with two screws, removing a piece of bone that caused the tear along with some calcium buildup. As some of you mentioned, the rotator cuff takes a long time to heal you have to wear a sling for 6 weeks. That is just the start. After that then rehab and gaining strength.

I asked about what I can do to stay in shape and my doctor gave me this advice "it is only 6 weeks, read a book..." Obviously this means I will have to rethink my 2011 season. The good thing is I will not come into the season over trained like I usually do :-)

Thank you to everyone who emailed/called wishing me good luck and a quick recovery.

Below are some pictures from my surgery. Enjoy.